The Phoenix from the Ashes: The Death and Resurgence of Uganda
The Phoenix from the Ashes: The Death and Resurgence of Uganda After Gaztons and his lieutenant Castro scoured the Earth with their message and quest to find de wei, Uganda experienced an economic and population boom unprecedented within the nation’s history. Millions upon millions of people laughed and enjoyed the experience of hanging out with their friends when they were suddenly beset upon by massive groups of knuckles asking “do u no de wei.” Several commandahs and sub commandahs were promoted and put into circulation, with the intent to recruit more knuckles to the aid of Uganda in spreading the word of de deval and to find a queen so that Uganda would have a great harvest for years and years to come. However, the sudden boom in prosperity lent to other unforeseen complications that would inevitably be the undoing of Uganda. Several commandahs failed to uphold the greatest and most stringent standards for the men and women they recruited to the cause, and inevitably the greatest pox on Uganda was beset through the ranks. Squeakers. These pre-pubescent knuckles grew in population due to the economic boom allowing for more knuckles to mate with their queens and produce new knuckles. Yet, these children were left generally unsupervised and without a clear leader for the new cadet corps arising within the Ugandan military. They swelled the ranks of the world and began to make things just completely suck. A complete lack of social skills, self control, and overall annoying as fuck voices caused the once sympathetic millions quickly against the cause of Uganda. Whenever a knuckles entered a place outside Uganda itself or Zimbabwe, the massive armies of weeaboos and traps would immediately attack the tribes of knuckles wherever they went. And still, after much prodding from the highest levels of the Ugandan command staff, the squeakers continued to ruin everything. Eventually, the ultimate downfall occured once the original commandahs such as Castro, ScrungusBungus, and the Chief Commandah Gaztons lost hope and gave up on the cause. The great nation of Uganda was considered by all to be “dead.” Following the ersatz purge of all knuckles many tribes went into hiding either in plain sight in the rest of the world, or migrated back to Uganda to lick their wounds and reconsolidate. However, there was a glimmer of hope that would inevitably set the great nation of Uganda back towards its former glory. It lay within a small empire in southern Uganda. The great subnation of “De Ebola 2.0”, along with the rest of Uganda, had been suffering at the sudden purge of all knuckles. The current Emperor of the small empire had been adversely affected by the recent campaign against the knuckles, and unlike the rest of the region, openly pressed Squeakers into service and left them unattended. This did not sit well with one of his lieutenants, a man named Babakumbee Mandingo Supreme Commandah of De Ebola. He didn’t hate the Squeakers as the rest of Uganda did, however he believed that they needed to be taken under the wing of experienced Ugandan warriors to teach them to be cancerous, yet to not be an annoying AF Squeaker that ruined everyone’s time. The Emperor knew of his misgivings, and he saw it as a threat to his kingdom; in response, the Emperor put a contract out on Babakumbee’s life, promising a harem of 69 Queens to the man who would kill Babakumbee. Babakumbee became aware of this plot by a friend of his who served in the Emperor’s personal guard, a great Ugandan warrior named GUSTA GUSTA SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDMAN. Gusta Gusta was a seasoned veteran of many wars including the civil war between the Red and Blue knuckles, as well as spearheaded the final assault on the capital of Zimbabwe. With Gusta Gusta’s help, Babakumbee escaped the empire’s capital in the South and traveled throughout Uganda, recruiting other bruddahs to his cause to mend the wound Uganda as a whole was suffering. They found such notable Ugandan warriors as PrinceDuff, da Ultim8 slaya of de covenant with his Spartan Halo Armor, he managed to summon not only de deval of pleasaaah AKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEE_LIVID, but Knoxadous de god of TUNNDA, and his demigod son Hand Banana. Once the ranks swelled, PrinceDuff met Gigthank, the greatest Ugandan queen in all the land and they formed a political union that gave new legitimacy to the new Ebola 2.0 tribe. Once Babakumbee had amassed enough followers, he led his army back to the southern empire where the ineffectual Emperor lived. Babakumbee ahead of his armies single handedly slayed over 50,000 warriors under the Emperor’s command, including 30,000 Squeakers. After the massacre on the steps of the palace, Babakumbee’s army invaded the Palace itself, immediately liberating all of the Emperor’s harems and seized control of all the armories. Once the palace was secured, Babakumbee drew a ceremonial scimitar passed down to him from the Emperor himself. Babakumbee and the Emperor became embroiled in a duel that lasted 40 days and 40 nights, yet in the end Babakumbee slayed the Emperor and stuck his decapitated head on a pike outside the Palace gates. -Writen by LOLIHANDBANANA Category:Stories